Sometimes the days can go so good without even knowing that you have an issue within yourself .I remember I was at an AA meeting, I went with my mom. They told families that the addicts have TRIGGERS. With me going back, I can defiantly tell that in my case as well . My biggest TRIGGER is self-image . Anytime its brought up in conversation or even a simple thought I could have . It is so strong that my emotions will quickly change from wonderful to sad and dark . The phrase 0 to 100 real quick ….Yea real quick is true … So today was not so bad . I still cant believe that I am opening up to people I dont know about something so serious . I really just want to help myself but now I also want to bring awareness to the black community about depression . We (black people) can be so judgmental on each other .I really can go so deep with where this stems from ..Yes you guessed it SLAVERY. But I will wait for a later post . Anyone reading this PLZ FEEL FREE TO COMMENT OR SHARE !!!!!!!
I was contemplating on if i would tel my boyfriend about this blog . The reason being is that i would have to admit that I am dealing with a issue . Admitting it to myself was easy , which i expected that to be hard . No !!! Telling the man i lay with every night ….That was so uncomfortable . Being a woman , being a black woman has this silent rule included and given at birth . REMAIN STRONG AT ALL TIMES TO EVERYONE !! So me opening up about this was sooooo weird and made me feel so weak and insecure . He read my 1st blog and said it was good and i should keep at . I could tell it was uncomfortable for him as well . So i quickly changed the subject . I just want to feel better . I want to wake up and feel like a woman , a beautiful woman . Even when he tells me 1,000 times a day I will not feel it until “I” feel it . So withing 4 years of us being together we have dealt with our share of ups and down . Which I have given my full time attention to . One day i woke up and had two kids back to back . gained 80 pounds in two years . Not having the time to even make it to the Salon to even make myself feel a little better . I wanna feel like i used to ……….
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Today is the 1st day I am speaking out against some emotions that have been lurking for an extremely long time . I know it will come to a shock to most but today I am taking back my life .Talking about emotions has never been hard for me only if they were not my own . So this blog is such a gateway to a better me . I can only image the feedback I will receive but as long as I help one woman it will be well worth it. So i guess I should tell you all or 1 person (LOL) about me . Well I am BLACK , 4 KIDS HAVING , FULL TIME JOB HAVING, ONLY A BOYFRIEND NO HUSBAND HAVING , 2 BABY DADDIES HAVING,GOD FEARING, CHURCH GOING, YELLING SCREAMING CUSSING, CRYING SAD ANGRY, CONFUSED, WOMAN who has been dealing with depression ..postpartum depression to be exact. People always told me that I am probably just having the “Baby Blues ” and it will fade . That was 7 years , 3 kids AGO… When will the FADE come ?????
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